Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits
Deborah Anapol
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Jak says, "I first read this book when I was considering coming out publicly as polyamorous. I had been practicing responsible non-monogamy within my open marriage for over twelve years, but I had kept my polyamory to myself, my sweeties and a very few close friends. Reading Anapol's book reinforced my desire to live an honest 'out' life, and offered some practical advice about preparing myself for that adventure."
The first few chapters of Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits are sort of a primer for those who are new to polyamory, covering specialized jargon and ethical parameters, plus a very insightful list of personal qualities which polyamorous relationships tend to require. Her section on 'Steps to Successful Polyamory' contains plenty of good basic advice for any relationship, even a monogamous one; after that, she moves into discussions of several issues specific to poly. Anapol devotes a chapter each to jealousy (its different forms and how to deal with it), coming out (both why and how), and making the transition to polyamory from within a monogamous relationship (as well as how to cope when it's your spouse or partner who wishes to do so).
The focus of this book is definitely on love and relationships; Anapol spends only a small amount of time discussing sex in any detail. She is more concerned with helping fledgling polyfolk find and/or build community and support groups, and gives advice on how to go about adding one or more partners to your chosen family. Finally, she takes a step back and looks at polyamory from a historical and then a scientific perspective. Anapol clearly believes that polyamory should be the next step in the evolution of human relationships, and makes a fairly good case for her position.
For long-term polyfolk, many of the concepts will be familiar, though it's likely that even they will find something of value here. Karawynn says, "More than once, I found Anapol's simple, clear language crystallized for me a truth that I'd already observed in my own life but had not fully abstracted." We can imagine several areas that this book doesn't cover — for example, it doesn't offer much in the way of practical, logistical advice for juggling multiple simultaneous relationships. But it does a lot, and it does it well.
Our quibbles are few: one, that Anapol asserts that spirituality is essential to a successful poly relationship (we don't agree), and two, that her recap of the history of the polyamorous movement is perhaps a little too skewed in favor of her own contributions and leaves out some arguably important details, such as the origin and popularization of the word 'polyamory' itself. Also, the zygote-like illustration on the front is not just baffling, it's borderline embarrassing. (The cover design in general makes Karawynn twitch; she thinks the art director should have been tarred and feathered for crimes against typography.)
But these are minor issues, and overall you won't find a better book on polyamory, at least not until we publish one. *wink* Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits gets our highest recommendation. Buy it. Read it. Loan it to all your friends.